I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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