as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
