you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
