Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize