i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
