In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
