When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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