the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
