I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize