Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
