I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize