I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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