The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
