so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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