you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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