I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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