Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
