i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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