i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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