Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
