We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize