Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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