The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
