The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
