dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
