just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
