what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize