He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
