She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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