Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
