Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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