Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
