i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
