38 yer olds are good kisserssss
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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