I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
