Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
