I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize