Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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