Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
