so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize