Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
