she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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