Can i not drive my cunt home
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
