She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My nipple is on Facebook.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
