Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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