the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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