I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
