I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
