goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
