I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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