it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
two words...techno handjob
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
