Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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