McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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