This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dicks are not precious.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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