Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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