the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
