I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
