i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i believe in u and ur pee
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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