Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
