Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i will never coherently bang her
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
