he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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