shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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