I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
