Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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