He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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