i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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