Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Randomize
