She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
