I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
