She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
