I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
