Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
