Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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