Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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