Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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