My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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