You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
