you would pick up someone in the library
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
