got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
