i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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