There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
