I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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