Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize