her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Randomize
