Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
