Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
