where does the pee come out of this thing
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
