Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
