Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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