he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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