Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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