my phone needs a breathalizer
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she woke up with a sticky ear
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
