I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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