I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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