i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
