laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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