I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
