If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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