dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
